DUIS

Late last night we went to sconecutters and got a delicious treat. An exteremely random event occurred while there. Some homeless looking younger adults came in, rumaged through the garbage, found a half eaten scone, and ate it. Probably one of the grossest things i ever seen. Luckily we were sitting behind some leaves to disguise us and i had already finished my dessert. Shortly after that we left, and i decided to go on a drive by myself on legacy parkway. So im going along listening to my music when i see the dreaded flashing blue and red lights. I pull over to the side and roll down my window. 

The officer comes up and asks me for my license and registration and walks back to his car. Upon his return, his face was overcome with a serious stern look. He asks in a demeaning tone "you been sconing tonight?" My brain instantly responded "no," then i hesistated and said "well... i've had one, but it was over an hour ago." The officer asks me to step out of the car and proceeds to give me the DUIS sobriety test. It was a simple test, you just had to blow on a bee shaped breathalyzer and see if would detect if there was any honeybutter in your system.  I blew a 1.5, which is way over the legal limit of .08 percent. He gave me a ticket for driving under the influence of scones. Probably the worst day of my life, but i'd do it again, for those scones. So gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

Green Powerade

A few months ago I stopped drinking soda pop and focused my attention towards sports drinks, specifically Powerade. The green squall flavor happens to be my favorite. After a long day i often look forward to partaking in that delicious green beverage. This was not the case in California. During the trip, maybe after the beach, i would feel parched and depleted. I would then resort to going to the local gas statioin or grocery store to fulfill my thirst. As i looked upon all the Powerade sports drinks i noticed that there was one color missing: green! Store after store, they were all the same. Its like it didnt exist down there. It had been forgotten. I was so distraught by this i decided to research it and find some revealing information. Apparently people were driving and drinking green powerade, and got attacked by aliens so the governator banned it. 

I hope i dont get abducted by aliens.

Last Action Hero

This has been a widely dispute issue since the beginning of cheesey action movies with unclever lines and "realistic" scenarios: Who is the greatest action hero of all time? I think they need to gather all the actors into one arena and have a cage match. Its members would include Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Steven Segal, Sylvester Stallone, Clint Eastwood, Bruce Willis, Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, and others. Fight until the death.

It would appear on pay per view for 29.99. Money worth spending.

Beach Bum

After traveling to california, i decided i want to become a beach bum. Beach bums are a little bit different than your stereotypical transient. They usually wear cut off booty jeans and have a sensational dark brown tan. Their hair is long and greasy, which only accents their ridiculous facial hair. Their arms are riddled with faded green sailor tattooes that look like they cost five dollars.  Their "place of living" consists of a four square foot shaded area made out of umbrellas, old lawn chairs, and blue tarps. Suprisingly, real estate like that goes for about a million. 

This is my dream.

Buzz

Yesterday i dressed up like a bee and stung my friend. Of course it was a joke. I would never actually sting someone. Its not a pleasant experience. You swell, itch, and relish in pain all for the sake of some other bee's pride. I dont know why they just dont mind their own bee-ness. Its not like anyone is trying to pick a fight with them. Now that i think about it, bees are like jocks: dumb and always trying to pick fights to show off their stingers. I hate jocks and other bees.