U Cant Txt Msg Brkup

I dont care who you are, you dont text someone that you dont want to see them anymore. Breaking up with someone over text message is the equivalent of crapping on their heart, putting it in a brown paper sack on their door step, lighting it on fire, and running away. Get a clue, i'll go Alanis Morissette on you.

Big Spoon and Lids

Today as i was preparing my cereal, i found the most gigantic spoon and decided to induldge my cereal with it. I dont know why, but eating with a big spoon makes me feel better. That spoon pwns those apple jacks, and because you're in control of the spoon, you have all the power.  As i finished my cereal, feeling very sastified, i grabbed a yogurt from the fridge. As i tore off the lid, i noticed there was a campaign for breast cancer. It read that if you send in your lid, they will contribute money towards a foundation to help prevent breast cancer. I was immeaditely puzzled. With all the money they spent on producing the special lids, marketing them, and the fact that only about 1/1000 of the people that eat their yogurt will actually send in the lids, why didnt they just give all that wasted money toward the breast cancer foundation in first place.  When you tear off the lids, it should read: "thanks for eating our yogurt, you just contributed x amount of money toward breast cancer."

Wedding

When i get married, i dont want it to be formal. I would rather it be a reflection of the creative, style oriented person i am. I would want Vans to design my checkered colored tux. Of course i would wear slip-ons to match. My groomsmen would all be dressed similar. The wedding itself would take place on a skyscraper overlooking the city, or in a garden with a maze. The bride would have to walk through a maze in order to reach the alter, that way you know she's smart. She would be wearing a betsy johnson style bridal dress and her matrons sporting all different patterns. There would be a big buffet with the best kinds of food. Nacho cheese fountain for sure. A sweet cover band would be playing old songs, but they add in their own vulgar lyrics here and there. Dancing would ensue, and for the little kids, nintendo. And when everyone leaves, they get a present and some great memories.

How A Chili Dog Tried To Ruin My Life

The other night i came home from work and school starving. I decided to make a delicious chili dog. In fact, i was so hungry, i decided to make three. I smothered the hot dogs inside the buns with Nalley's chili, cheese, and some ketchup to top it off. Overall, i was sastified with the way the meal went. I studied for a while and then went to bed. I wasnt tired, but it was one or two in the morning and i had to work in the morning, not to mention take my test which i had been studying immensly for.  So i lay down. Almost immeaditely my stomach starts rumbling. It was like the noise you make when you're gargling Listernine mouth wash, except it was in my stomach, and it was chili instead of the mouth wash. I layed there for a few hours listening to the rumble in the bronx, texting anybody who was awake. By this time im so out of it i am just wide awake thinking random thoughts. A little more time passes, and i look at the clock. It was six a.m.  Ugh, i eventually came in and out of sleep and woke up at 10 a.m. I didnt go to work (it was too late to do that, cause i had to go to school at 1). So i get up, go and take my test, go to traffic school, and come home. My stomach never felt so worse all day.  Basically Nalley's chili is trying to ruin my school, work, and social life.